Buhtt sex?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
