The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
