My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
