He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I fill condoms, not promises.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He shit in the fireplace
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
