I will die if light touches me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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