I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
