Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize