Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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