Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
