the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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