You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
