Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
