guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
