Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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