my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
