mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
