his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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