What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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