half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
