I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
