i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize