I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
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