i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
