I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
