Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My pussy is not your playground.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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