Who wears a wallet chain?!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
