Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
