You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
