I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
