At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Randomize
