Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
