First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
