I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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