did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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