TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
