DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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