RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
