I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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