I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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