My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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