my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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