I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
