I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize