I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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