Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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