Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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