I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
