Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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