k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
