It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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