i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
