ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
