yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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