Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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