He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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