Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
