you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
