i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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