Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Why is your signature on my underwear?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
