I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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