Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
