Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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