Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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