i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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