I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
