Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
