First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
