After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize