I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
