Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
