if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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