Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
