Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
